The message on the refrigerator

Many years ago, I opened my daughter’s daily folder only to find a crumbled worksheet with a large checkmark in red ink. While it was only Kindergarten then, and I understood it did not reflect where my daughter would go, the checkmark reminder me of my own average performance in school, and how unsatisfying that was. I also recalled the pride I felt when I received the ultimate “plus mark”.

At this time, the only thing that I did know was that I wanted my daughter to have a positive experience. This was only the fifth time that she brought back work like this, but sending my first child through school, feared mediocrity would turn into a pattern. Nevertheless, I placed the worksheet under a magnet on the refrigerator door like we always do.

Shortly thereafter I went to my daughter’s school, knocked on the classroom door of Mrs. Doak, and asked her if she had a moment. Being the supportive teacher she was, Mrs. Doak welcomed me to her classroom and heard my concern. She informed me that the problem was not that she could not do her work, but rather that she was not caring about it. We both agreed that the homework objective was not a matter of always getting a plus sign, but feeling good about putting forth her best effort. Taking to heart the thoughts of Mrs. Doak, I listened intently as she went through her plan.

The next two nights when I open the daily folder I again found “not too clean”, crumbled, average work. This time I put Jessica’s work on a stack of papers on the counter.

On the third day I found a very nicely done worksheet. This one was clean, wrinkle-free with a large plus sign on the front. I picked it up, praised my daughter for her clean, nice work, and placed it in the refrigerator door. This continued for a few weeks.

I never criticized my daughter’s average work; I just praised the better work.

A few weeks later I was cleaning and found the stack of papers on the counter. I realized the stack had stopped growing a while back. Mrs. Doak’s plan of highlighting the positive and ignoring the negative had worked flawlessly.

About Marta Guzman

Born in 1956 in Hato Rey, Puerto Rico to Francisco and Irma Suarez. My father Francisco was a very successful businessman in the toy industry. I have two brothers, Frank Suarez and Angel Suarez. My two sisters are Irma Christoffel and Alicia Suarez McKay. All of my siblings own their own business. Attended Elementary, Middle School and High School in Colegio Espiritu Santo, a private school. On my first day of college, I met my husband Carlos Guzman. I attended the University of Puerto Rico where I received two associate degrees, one in Social Studies (Psychology) and another one in Interior Design. On January 10, 1979, Carlos and I married and left the island so I could attend the University Texas at Austin. In 1981, we started a small toy distribution business called Austin Toy House. Jessica, our oldest was born in December of 1983. David, our "Middle Child" was born in 1986. In 1988, we sold Austin Toy House and started Marta's Desserts using an old family recipe of flan. Gabriel, our youngest, was born in 1995. Jessica received a full scholarship in 2002 and move out to attend the University of Texas. Three years later, in 2005, the same day we were officially closing our business, our son David received a letter telling him he had also received a full scholarship to attend college. Since September 2005, I work as an independent contractor as an interpreter. I now spend lots of time taking Gabriel to extracurricular activities such as Robotics and Science Clubs. Every chance we get, we love to get all our kids in the same space and enjoy their company...

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